Hartford Marathon 2019

This marathon had a “fun” start. As I was leaving my house to meet my friend for a ride to the pre-perks start, I felt that I was forgetting something. Then I thought, what could possibly be so important for a race. You have your fuel, your shoes and yourself, what else could you possibly need? I got to the meeting spot (about 20 minutes from my house) when it dawned on me. I had forgotten quite possibly the single most important thing. The thing I had driven all the way to Hartford for, paid $10 for parking to pick up at the expo, pinned to the corkboard in my mud room so I would not forget it. The FUCKING RACE BIB?!?! I quickly called my friend to go on her own and turned around to head home. I tried my best to not let all of my amped up nervous energy suck every last bit of motivation and rest from my beautifully orchestrated taper.

Somehow I made it, spent another $10 on parking on the first lot I saw and walked as fast as I could to the pre-perks indoor bathroom (still worth the extra $50) for one last pre-race jitters use. All of my new racing friends from the incredible summer of pace leading at the Ridgefield Running Company were waiting, oh so patiently. Now we could get a great pre-race photo in front of the capitol building and head off to the start line. I really was worried that all of those nerves from not making it on time would leave me depleted at the start. Instead, as soon as we started running, I had this overwhelming sense of relief.

I had started listening to The Rich Roll Podcast and his interview with Ryan Holiday, author of Stillness is the Key, in the car on my way to the marathon. This became my mantra for this race: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” I keep coming back to my experience of childbirth with my second child. I had experienced a lot of pain during my 2nd trimester and because I couldn’t simply take an NSAID to relieve the inflammation, I had to seek alternatives: chiropractors, yoga and acupuncture. This is where I discovered, unknowingly, the ability to find stillness. During the birth, I decided to not use any pain killers, as I had throughout the pregnancy, and go for a drug free birth. Instead of letting the nervous energy and pain get to me, I decided to completely let go. In doing this, and while sitting on a balance ball with hands on the bed with my head down, I found that stillness. I felt no real pain. I know it sounds crazy and for years I couldn’t believe that was me. But what I have come to terms with, along with the help of the 26.2, is that it was me. Wouldn’t it be incredible to find that stillness, again?

I can’t say that I always feel stillness when I run; I wish I could find it more often. But I do always joke that running calms the voices in my head. I do struggle to find that place. During this particular race, however, I think it was around mile 10, there was a lone hipster DJ, outside a warehouse, playing some seriously trippy house music. At first I thought, what an odd choice for motivating runners. Then I just let this trance-like music enter my body and mind. I felt so relaxed and before I knew it my watch buzzed, I had run another 2 miles without even noticing. I spent the rest of the race reminding myself of the stillness and that all the pain was temporary. I finished the race strong but I did not PR this race. I am ok with that. I learned more about myself and my limits to prepare for the next race.